Friday, 9 January 2015

FACE SITTING by Jenny Ainslie-Turner

I know I’m all about going to the extreme but, telling us where we can and can’t sit?

Last month the government made it illegal for us ladies to ‘face-sit’ a guy. Well, it’s not quite that. It’s videoing the act. Hang on, it’s not quite that either, it’s watching the video of the act of ‘face-sitting’! If all this sounds fucked up to you, then how fucked up are the knob-heads who have plotted it!

Apparently, we are not allowed to face-sit for health and safety reasons. We can gag and choke on a cock quite happily. Well, that would be right, it’s not a danger to the man. Nor can we whip some fucker’s arse unless we have a smile on our face as we do it, in case it is deemed ‘aggressive’. Personally speaking I always have a dirty grin slapped on my face when I’m whipping a guy. But, I don’t slap the grin on too hard!

Buggery was legalised some years ago. Buggering a nice tight arse is perfectly fine. That doesn’t come under the health and safety heading. Again, that’s more for the men’s enjoyment, and mine when I get the chance.

Joking aside, what are we talking about here, doing to men what they love doing the most? And, I should know, I wrote a book on it. ‘Will You be My Fantasy? When grey isn’t quite dark enough’ is all about face-sitting and dedicated to one of my callers who is in the book with his permission!

Why did I write a book on it? It’s the most popular subject my boys want to enjoy. There is nothing better than having a juicy fat cunt smothering a guy’s face. I talk about this so often I sometimes think it’s all they have on their minds.

It’s ok to die for Queen and country but not under a cunt! (Although since we live under the rule of politicians, that’s debatable…) Ask any guy which he would prefer… Can somebody tell me how many men have died this way? Fucking none, that’s how many.

Does this read too ridiculous for words? Well, guess what, the whole thing is too ridiculous for words. What are we talking about here? Killing, maiming or mutilating? No, we are talking about some people being more sexually adventurous than others.

Why the fuck should we be told what we can and can’t do in our own homes! Do we have to look out for face-sitting police checking where we are sitting?

I bet more people have died from chip pan fires. What’s next, banning us from frying our own chips!?

Get a fucking life and stop messing about with ours!

Jenny Ainslie-Turner has been working as a phone sex operator for 12 years and runs her own chatline, Jenny’s Extreme Chat. She is the author of ‘A Hands-on Guide to Phone Sex’, and ‘Will You be my Fantasy?’ and was featured in the Channel 4 documentary ‘My Phone Sex Secrets’, currently being shown on More4.

She writes a regular column for us, Gentleman Caller, about her experiences as a sex chat line operator.


  1. Well-said! Laws against "porn" in any country seem insanely inconsistent and ridiculous. In the 1990s, I belonged to the local film classification board (in a Canadian province) that had the duty of rating all films here, including the sexually-explicit ones. Head of the board wanted to ban a series of well-produced films showing female ejaculation on grounds that they showed "urination" which was (still is) illegal to show here. (I don't know what for.) I circulated educational material on female ejaculation to the head & all other board members. I pointed out that the woman in the film screams "I'm coming!" while spurting. (Not "I'm peeing.") This is what literary critics would call close reading. :) It was all in vain, and ignorance won the day. IMO, all members of regulatory boards need better sexual education.

    1. Jenny can't leave a comment because she doesn't have a Google account...but she says "It just proves how bonkers they all are..ignorance is bliss but not when you're running the fucking country!"