SEX BY NUMBERS (more than just a summer holiday read)

"Waking up isn't always pleasant...it's especially unpleasant if you are not aware that you've been sleeping. Sometimes, you've been asleep for years and not even  realized...and while you've snored and snoozed your way through your existence, in that moment when you blink your way back to consciousness, you realize that everything has changed.

This is the dilemma that faces Lucie Maddox when she finally wakes up. What she thought was right and true when she went to sleep twenty eight years ago, is no longer right and true. The rules have changed and are encapsulated in her hubby’s statement…

“Sorry Lucie, it isn’t working.”

Those five words are the catalyst propelling the narrative into action. Nothing will ever be the same...everything has changed.

It's "appearance and reality" in all its mucky action. How our lives appear to be and how they really are.

Lucie is a survivor, she has to change, she has to grow...her marriage has died because of sex and she finds her way to her new, improved life through sex...dirty magazines, Internet porn, Internet dating...Sex By Numbers is a book infused with hot sex, from pretty much the first page. If you are looking for exceptional erotica, you'll find it here.

It takes adroit, astute writers to dwell on such acute themes but Francis Potts and Nico Maeckelberghe handle their narrative with an effortless, easy confidence. They show a fondness for their characters, teasing them tenderly. I laughed out loud on more than one occasion as Lucie claws and clambers her way out of the emotional carnage of her  wrecked marriage.

Lucie's dilemma is one that many of us have faced...it is of our time. Her bid for freedom, isn't just one of cutting loose from a marriage that has died, months, years ago, it is a bid for freedom from convention...the tight, suffocating hegemony that is in place, for no apparent reason, other than that it is how it always has been done and will be done until hell freezes over.

I think that Sex by Numbers is more than a light hearted holiday read...I think that Nico Maeckelberghe and Francis Potts are saying a lot about the times we live in, our sexuality, our sexual orientation...and now, at last, in 2016, is the time to finally celebrate sex and our fantasies in all their  wonderful dimensions and above all...be guilt free."

Sex by numbers is at Amazon UK and at Amazon US  

Francis Potts is @FrancisPotts at Twitter

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A DOMINANT MALE? Fulani speaks!

A while back, billierosie asked me what it's like being a dominant. This post tries to answer that question.

I should start by saying that it's one of those questions where different people will undoubtedly have different answers. There's no 'one size fits all' type of dominant, and I'm not even going to try to create a typology. Indeed even the terminology is flexible. Dominant/submissive isn't quite the same relationship as top/bottom, with the conventional understanding being that the former is more about power exchange and the latter about the administration and receiving of pain and pleasure. Useful links in this connection – though note they all offer different opinions – are:

here here and here

I would say, though, that the essence of domination and submission is about having a sexual relationship – or indeed several, or many, sexual relationships – that include a particular dynamic. The nature of that dynamic is that my play partner is seeking excitement and gratification through being controlled, and I'm seeking those things through exercising that control.

What that means for me is that I need to think in a very precise way about what my submissive is seeking. Do they want the experience of being taken back to some point in their life, perhaps a point in childhood, where they were controlled and perhaps punished by a father figure? Do they want to experience control (and reward) in the same way that one might use with a family pet such as a dog? Do they want an experience they can fight against and yet be forced against their will, as in an interrogation scene? Do they seek a more spiritual and meditative experience, the kind that's common with rope bondage?

There's a sense in which being a dominant isn't about being bossy and bullying – or if it is, that's because the submissive feels the need to experience those things. It's about recognising what your submissive needs and being, as I've sometimes put it, the vehicle through which the submissive can express and explore their desires. My gratification as a dominant is about being successful at doing that.That's not to deny the gratifications of hearing the thwap of a flogger hitting flesh and the soft shriek of shock and pain, seeing the way skin colours up when it's been tortured, and smelling the sex in the air. Those are all great turn-ons. But the key thing for me is taking the trust of the submissive and proving to them they were right to trust that I can deliver the fantasy-into-reality they were seeking. That's the thing that gives me a crazy smile on my face for days after an intensive play session.

Being dominant can be demanding. It requires me to think about what I'm doing at every point: planning what I'm going to do, doing it, being alert to issues that arise during play, and following up afterwards. For example: will it be feasible to tie someone up in a certain way given their known health condition and the way rope constriction can affect muscles? If the sub has, for example, asthma that means they need their inhaler available at all times, is it to hand? Does a particular fantasy – for example being treated as a non-person through the use of a hood – trigger something bad in the sub when it happens for real, so the scene needs to stop? And how do they feel after the whole experience when they've had time to reflect on it?

I've sometimes wondered, incidentally, how dominants manage in dom/sub relationships that are 24/7 because frankly, I don't think I could keep up that level of attention all the time. I'd assume those relationships are more like master/mistress and slave, because they surely can't exist on the basis of being permanent domination sessions.

How, then, did I get into domination? It started fairly early with pre-pubescent fantasies that involved the kinds of things we now term 'power exchange'. As a teenager I found pulp magazines that told me, if nothing else, that I wasn't the only person to have such fantasies. Shortly thereafter I found sexual partners who were similarly exploring their sexuality and not averse to being tied up. And on it went from there.

In real life I'm a pretty laid-back person. I don't impose myself on others, have a particularly dominant bearing, or other obvious trappings of being a 'dominant person'. But I'm generally a good listener and try to understand what my submissive wants. I have a wicked turn to my sense of humour. I've taken time out to understand the range of 'tools' I use in bdsm – from rope and bullwhips to gags and candles. I know what they do, and wide range of ways they can be used.

And I was lucky enough, a decade ago now, to meet the submissive who is now my partner. We met in a fetish club; I was doing an impromptu bondage demonstration and she was a volunteer…

By way of a conclusion, I'll offer these thoughts.

A dominant isn't someone who 'feels dominant to their core', was 'born to rule others' or feels they should always be privileged over others. People who persistently act that way can usually be described using other, less savoury terms such 'pain in the ass' – or perhaps 'bully'.

It is, of course, important sometimes to act in such ways, because that's part of the play of domination and submission. But if someone starts taking that kind of role as the key part of their personality they'll quickly find themselves being laughed at.

A dominant is someone who takes the gift of submission and works with the submissive to make it something more beautiful and more meaningful to both parties. This is why domination is a craft. It requires dedication, self-reflection and an open and enquiring mind – as well as a balanced personality, a sadistic imagination and a rigorous approach to what is safe, sane and consensual.



I'm a scribbler of smut. A writer of erotica. Of the two novels, two story collections, five novellas and many short stories I have published, these two stand out as ones that explore the dom/sub dynamic in some detail:


Addicted to Rope – novella, from here here


and various other places.Sex, Art and Aromatherapy – short story, individually published on 

 Amazon.co.uk and ebook store here

 and various other places.

MILK MAID, erotic lactation fetish

The breasts, particularly the nipples are highly erogenous zones for both men and women. Stimulation of the breasts and nipples form an essential part of sexual foreplay for both sexes. But in women, the breasts are also there for the purpose of suckling an infant, the process of feeding a baby for the first few months of its life.

The breasts of a female produce milk and for some, form part of a fetish, or paraphilia, known as erotic lactation fetish and going on the stories I find on the Web there are helluva a lot of people playing around with the fantasy of suckling; both in the giving and receiving of a partner’s breast milk.

Erotic lactation can be part of a BDSM scenario. A submissive woman may be ordered by her Dominant partner to be milked in the same way that a cow may be milked, thus reducing her to the level of an animal. And as with any Dominant/submissive relationship, it may be the submissive who is controlling the events. It may be that her own humiliation is part of the scenario. Her desires, and the acting out of the play itself satisfies sexual desires.

A scenario I come across frequently, is that of combining an infantilism fetish with that of lactation fetish. A man or woman has a desire to be treated as a baby. This may mean wearing diapers, defecating and urinating and having to be cared for, bathed and changed. And for some, a total return to infancy, which will include suckling from the breast.

On the other hand, erotic lactation may have nothing to do with infantilism. It can be that one or both participants get off on suckling from the breast, or being suckled.

Much has been written about children’s psychosexual development from Sigmund Freud onwards…but I don’t believe that anyone really knows for sure as to why either infantilism or erotic lactation fetish occurs.

I read a lot of erotica, but I have not found anything delving into erotic lactation in fiction.

 And so I made up my own tales.

The adult Joel is on a desperate quest to find a “mommy”. Joel wants to be twelve years old; he also wants a mommy and is lucky enough to find his ideal partner in Sally.

In “Will you be my Mommy?” Sally hints to the reader that she plans to initiate breast feeding Joel – she has already hinted that she loves to have her nipples sucked and bitten. In the follow up tale, “I’m sorry Mommy”, Joel and Sally are now lovers; lovers that act out the mother and son fetish absolutely seriously. They also have mind blowing sex within the framework of erotic lactation, which concludes with Joel suckling milk from Sally’s breast.

I am planning to bring out these two stories, later in the year, in a single volume.

Research on the Web informs that it is possible to induce lactation without a woman being pregnant, through routinely massaging the breasts and nipples, by persistent suckling and/or by use of hormones. I am reliably informed that the persistent and continued use of a breast pump, has a pretty good chance of inducing lactation.

Here is a comment from a guy who schedules his day and night time routine around his wife’s production of milk.

“I’m in an ANR (Adult Nursing Relationship). There is no Infantilism involved. My wife loves it…it was she who instigated it. It took some time for the milk to flow, but practicing was fun. Now I feed daily, in the morning and in the evening and she pumps when I am not there. It is highly erotic, but more than that, feeding from her brings a closeness that we both love. It is impossible to argue, or be distant, when your daily routine involves such intimacy. We both love it and I cannot see it ever stopping. I’m not sure how common this is but probably it’s more than people assume. Believe me, there is no more beautiful sight than my wife, leaking milk and begging to be suckled.”

AT MY FEET by Michel Arnaud

I've just finished reading "At My Feet" by Michel Arnaud and I love it. I love it because it's a great story from a new, talented, lyrical writer, I love it because Michel has reminded me how good it is to laugh, and I love it because it has made me think, really think.

So, let me pose a question…what do you think about control? I’m curious, it’s not really that important, it's not such a big deal, but let’s just play around with words for a few minutes. Control, isn’t even that mighty a word, yet for a small word it has several definitions. For instance, it’s just occurred to me, that coming from billierosie, you may have assumed that I'm talking about a Dominant, submissive relationship, where one person has control over another…bdsm, the source of lifestyle choices for some, a fetish game for others.

But I'm not talking about playing with control as bdsm sees it, in stories, in fantasies. The whooshing of whips, the clinking of chains, the harsh tightening of thick rope and all the other jangling things that make up a night time, or a weekend of play in fiction.

Neither am I talking about self-control, nor a different sort of control...something, or someone who is out of control, who needs to be controlled. I am talking about the control we think we have over our own lives and that particular concept is the central theme running through Michel Arnaud’s book…His protagonist, Antoine Cassernet, exerts such a tight control over his life that it is nothing short of miraculous.

Antoine Cassernet is a high flier in the world of banking, his annual salary cuts the sort of figure that most of us can only dream of. He has a beautiful wife, Sandrine, a wonderful country home in Normandy, France…he also has two mistresses and as we meet Antoine, he is about to take on a third; it only takes a few little steps for Antoine’s life to unravel.

I'm not that big on control these days and Michel Arnaud has reminded me why. Those little steps unravelling our lives, big steps too, can hit us at any moment. Many of you reading this review, will have had your life plans changed, drastically, dramatically…often for no apparent reason. And there is nothing, nothing you can do about it.

When Antoine Cassernet’s life plan hits a brick wall, he panics, trying to regain his footing. How has this happened when he thought he’d got it all worked out? He becomes suspicious; paranoid, he must have action. He resorts to subterfuge…going to dark, sinister lengths to prove that someone has betrayed him.

Antoine’s jealous rage is worthy of an Othello, being fed a filthy poison…drip, drip, drip, by a scheming Iago.

Michel Arnaud is an astute observer of human nature...human frailties, he has a keen interest in the way people use language. His writing style is fun...he gently prods his characters into making statements that have the air of the absurd...he makes me think of the ways Samuel Becket, the playwright, uses language. Like Becket, Michel offers a sort of tragicomic view of human existence. And again, like Becket, Michel conveys a real fondness for his characters.

Control over our lives is an illusion, but it is an illusion, that it seems, is necessary to ground us emotionally. I think that I knew it before reading At My Feet...but it's good to be reminded.

So if your life plan is flowing smoothly, your controlled days merging from one to another in a rosy glow…well, that’s great, good for you, but watch out, remember Antoine Cassernet...be warned.

Michel Arnaud describes At My Feet as "a tale of love, sex and jealousy, where nothing is quite as it seems." It's more than that...it's an engrossing tale, told with finesse by an exciting erudite new writer whom, I know, we are going to hear a lot more from.

At My Feet is available at Amazon UK and Amazon US The poster image is by Gary Walker at Look4Books