Monday, 20 August 2012
So it’s around 9.15 in the morning, on a Thursday. I’ve just settled down in my sitting room, a little bit shaky, and take my first tentative sips of my triple espresso. The television is switched on and my morning panel show, “The Wright Stuff” -- theme tune blaring, blasts and shudders onto the TV screen.
Matthew Wright, the journalist and host of the show, introduces his guests, Fatima Whitbread, the Olympian athlete, somebody whose name I can’t remember and Jeremy Edwards. No, not THAT Jeremy Edwards, not OUR Jeremy Edwards, beloved, irrepressible rascal, owner of a vast, soon to be opened to the public, exotic menagerie and talented writer of erotica! The guy on my TV screen is the English actor, Jeremy Edwards.
The bitter brew bites. I wince and sip some more. I ponder on the notion of how it would be much more fun it would be, if it were OUR Jeremy Edwards. And as if in psychic response, Matthew Wright holds up the cover of OUR Jeremy Edwards’ book, “Rock My Socks Off” and asks the English Jeremy about his clandestine career as an erotic writer. English Jeremy laughingly dissembles for a few seconds, then reveals that it is not he who writes erotica, it’s the other Jeremy. Jeremy Edwards in the US.
But this is fantastic! One of my favourite erotic writers getting some free air time on British TV!
I send Jeremy Edwards in the U.S. a message via Facebook.
“There is a TV actor here -- also Jeremy Edwards! I saw him on a chat show last week -- he was asked about his erotic books! They showed a cover of "Rock My Socks Off"! The British Jeremy laughed, and cleared up the confusion! But your book got 5 minutes of free Brit TV air time!”
“Holy cow!! Yes, I've known about him for some time (though my use of this name dates all the way back to 1995, long before I had any idea there was or would be a celeb by the same name). But, wow, I never thought there'd be confusion--let alone on television! Thanks for letting me know!”
We talk a bit about how Jeremy can get to see it -- it appears that it’s not possible. The video clip of the show has been uploaded to Youtube, but Youtube has invoked Technology and set up an impenetrable force field around the vid. It is called the “Not in Your Country” block. Youtube often does this for no other reason than spite, and because it can. Youtube has invoked the spell of Technology and in the face of Technology we will always lose. Technology smirks at us -- how can we hope to defeat such powers?
Jeremy asks plaintively; “And if any of you UKians have the time, technology, and talent to--well, you know…”
And again. “Hello, wizardly UK friends! Oh, how I wish there were a magic way for me to see the part of this television program (whose videos are not viewable in the U.S.) in which the celebrity Jeremy Edwards is teased about "his" erotic-writing career, and the cover of my first novel is displayed…”
Jeremy is obviously distraught, upset and agitated! But what to do? I don’t have the technological know how to sort this out! And Jeremy obviously doesn’t either. Jeremy is crying now, really crying, great big sobs -- he rushes from the room and kicks the door.
Technology giggles childishly.
But, hang on a minute. Who is this? Verily, she rides with ease a jet black stallion, taming him as he rears and plunges. The stallion wears a silver bridle, his long mane and tail stream in the wind. His eyes are wild and red, smoke streams from his flared nostrils. His name is “Undaunted” and lo, his rider is Kristina Lloyd, “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. Behold her, clad in black leather garments and jangling silver chains as without fear she urges the beast onwards, brandishing the mighty sword “Avenger,” which only she can wield. (Avenger was actually cast in the same secret furnace as King Arthur’s sword “Excaliber”, and was given to Kristina, in another tale, by the Lady of the Lake.) With her hair loose and wild, Kristina is Joan d’Arc on amphetamine. And behold, Technology pales, cowers and crumbles before her. With her magic powers, her sword and enchanted WM Converter, Kristina dissolves the force field around the Youtube “Not in your Country” nonsense. And hurrah! Jeremy gets to see the video clip!
Kristina Lloyd says on Facebook. “I downloaded a clip with some free software called WM Converter. It was a breeze once I'd found that. Sadly the vid has already been removed from YouTube but Jeremy has the file. So glad we caught it in time!”
And the last word must go to Jeremy.
“I will probably look back on this as the high point of my literary career, media-exposure-wise. Which is a little sad, but mostly funny—and appealingly quirky and random. And, as they say (and as I say, with increasing frequency)... I'll take it! (:v>”
And you can still watch the vid -- just go to Jeremy Edwards’ Facebook page and scroll down! Enjoy!
Jeremy Edwards is the author of the erotocomedic novel Rock My Socks Off (Xcite Books), the erotic story collection Spark My Moment (Xcite Books), and most recently The Pleasure Dial: An Erotocomedic Novel of Old-Time Radio (OC Press). His quirky, sensuous short stories have appeared in over fifty anthologies, including recent volumes in the Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica series. Jeremy’s work explores sex in its sunniest form, celebrating joyful sensuality, libidinous urgency, offbeat romanticism, and the pleasures of language and laughter—with the focus on cerebral, sexually self-aware women and the men and women who adore them. His greatest goal in life is to be sexy and witty at the same moment—ideally in lighting that flatters his profile. Readers can drop in on him unannounced (and thereby catch him in his underwear) at www.jeremyedwardserotica.com .
Some recent publications:
“Cast Party” and “Laplanders,” in 69 [Harlequin Spice; ed. Alison Tyler]
“Curated,” at FeatherLit
“System,” in Girl Fever [Cleis Press; ed. Sacchi Green]
“Ambiguity,” at FeatherLit
“Bubble Dance,” in Going Down [Cleis Press; ed. Rachel Kramer Bussel]
“Reconnect,” in Stretched [Racy Pages; ed. Tinder James]
Private Fountains: Wet Erotica by Jeremy Edwards, vols. 1-4
The print edition of The Pleasure Dial: An Erotocomedic Novel of Old-Time Radio, by Jeremy Edwards (OC Press)
"Boston. Breasts. Bohemian," in The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, vol. 11 (Constable & Robinson; ed. Maxim Jakubowski)
"Elevenses," in Morning, Noon and Night: Erotica for Couples [Cleis Press; ed. Alison Tyler]
"The Nude, Stripped Naked," in Only You: Erotic Romance for Couples [Cleis Press; ed. Rachel Kramer Bussel]