Friday, 16 December 2011

Well, yes it does make me want to scream! Loudly! You see, it’s the third time this has happened to me -- males -- straight males, confusing me with the characters in my tales.

Have any other women writers come across this?

I write erotica. Sometimes what I write is downright, absolutely pornographic. I write to entertain, sometimes I write quite deliberately to arouse -- I write to explore what a fun thing sex can be. The games that we play; the games that we want to play, but dare not.

I hope that sometimes people laugh! Laughter is sexy!

If consolation is needed, then I hope that I console -- it’s a sad mind that thinks that you are the only person in the world, who has had strange fantasies -- sometimes what the world would see as perverted fantasies. I write for the guy who wants to be a mommy’s boy -- for the male or female who wants to be Dominated, humiliated, who suffers for the sake of the one that he or she idolises. Those who give up their right to orgasm, because their Master, or Mistress forbids it. They eat, sleep, wear clothes, defecate, urinate when they are permitted. I want to tell them that they are not weird. They don’t have to act on their dark fantasies, but they are entitled to have them.

Sometimes I write heavy stuff.

And I hope that women read my tales too. I write for them; to empower -- sexually.

One guy who wrote to me, declared himself a submissive. He wanted to be tied up, be beaten until he was “bruised and bloody”. He couldn’t possibly tell his wife, she would think he was a pervert.

So how can he tell me, a stranger, things that he would never divulge to the person he is closest to in all the world?

Sad, bad.

Do male writer’s of erotica get this? I wonder what their response would be? A gay friend, who writes gay male erotica, tells me that he’s had mails where his readers confess that they have masturbated after reading his stories. My friend’s response is: “well well”.

One New Year’s Eve, I had a cold so I decided not to join in the celebrations. I stayed in, warm and cosy. I was watching the new year arrive on television. Big Ben struck on the hour of midnight. The phone rang. A guy telling me to open my mouth, he was waiting to shove his penis in. It’s hardly poetry, is it? I was shocked and hung up. I was nervous and felt upset. Then I got to thinking, how would a man react to a dirty phone call? So I asked them -- gay and straight. Both said that they would laugh and probably be excited. So I wrote my story, “Retribution”. It’s about just that. A straight man receiving a dirty phone call from a woman. It’s in M.Christian’s anthology, “Best S&M Erotica vol.3

I mentioned all of this to an acquaintance; his response was -- “Well, given the genre you write in, don’t you think that this sort of thing is bound to happen?”

Maybe I’m naïve, but I didn’t. The males who have contacted me come over as intelligent guys; men with refined, intellectually developed, sophisticated minds. So why, after a few emails, do they ask me ask me inappropriate questions? Very personal questions. Have I ever…? Very creepy questions.

These questions take me by surprise rather than shock me. A bit like the dirty phone call on New Year’s Eve. Questions that unsettle me rather than distress me. I feel a little bit insulted too -- but most of all, I feel very irritated.

I could name names -- I could, perhaps I should. But I’m not going to -- that would make me spiteful, and I’m not spiteful.

But I am not Ulena, or Jasmine, or Sally, or whoever the hell the FEM/dom is in my tales. They are figments of my imagination; they are not me. I create these characters, just to see if I can do it. I put them and their submissive partners in depraved situations, just to see if I can do it. Human beings have always whispered tales of the forbidden; the taboo. Those tales are a part of every culture in the world, expressing stuff we dare not speak of.

Perhaps, one day I’ll move away from erotica/pornography -- maybe I’ll write something “worthy”. Heavens, there are plenty of issues to be going along with. Racism, homophobia, xenophobia, how we treat the elderly, child abuse, animal cruelty -- the list goes on and on. Perhaps I’ll write about the cult of celebrity -- the desire that half the world has, it seems, to be famous.

Maybe I won’t -- there are more than enough writers churning out “worthy” books.

I’ve deleted my Facebook profile -- no great loss there. I was getting inappropriate comments on my “wall”.

It’s fiction for God’s sake; it’s a story.

It seems that if I want to write in the erotica genre, then I have to hide -- But I will continue to write my tales of sexual release, sensual release -- and yes, even spiritual release.

I think that my ultimate aim, as a writer of erotica, is to express erotica with words, as beautifully as Dita von Teese does in her burlesque dance. Dita dances to entertain -- She dances to arouse men -- and women too. She’s also empowering women -- to be beautiful, to take control of their sexuality. She’s telling a story, a fiction -- her dance is no more real than any of my, or any other writer’s erotic/pornographic tales.

In her dressing room, Dita von Teese takes of her wig and heavy makeup. She kicks off the killer heels -- she probably slips, very elegantly of course, into a pair of old jeans and a tee shirt. She exits through the stage door -- her adoring fans don’t even recognise her. She tip toes away gracefully into the night.


  1. I have two FB accounts. One is personal and the other is for my erotica writing. That helps, but the crossover is stronger than I thought it would be. Often, I find the line between who I am and the erotica I write to be a little blurry. Erotica is a part of who I am, but boundaries are quite important, particularly on those days when I feel more like a bottle of Nyquil than I feel like sex! Another wonderful post! Thank you!

  2. Thanks Patrick -- I was a bit nervous about this post -- didn't wanna get hatemail! But I think it is important to be able to say these things, and of course I am flattered when people trouble to contact me and tell me that they like my stuff. On the whole though, I do find it rather sad -- I think that there must be something missing from their lives -- these guys who seem to think that I am turned on by explicit talk. I had my fingers crossed when I pressed the button to publish -- I hoped the guys that I'm talking about didn't get to see the post. I've deleted them from my mailing list -- I didn't want to make them any more sad than they already are!

  3. Hi billie!

    Very interesting post!

    I don't think I'll ever forget the first time I received an inappropriate email from a man concerning my writing. He too was supposedly a submissive. He said he'd stolen one of my stories and given it to his online Mistress so she'd have ideas of what to do to him.

    When I'd read the message, I closed it down and sat flabbergasted. I mean, I didn't know the guy. I was shocked anyone would assume I wanted mail like that. How dare he? What gave him the right to insert himself into my world with his needs and wants? What made him think I'd want to know?

    After some thought, I opened the message again and read it. The fellow had said, 'if I wanted to punish him, he'd be very open to that.' (If he'd known what I'd thought of doing to him at that moment, I doubt he'd have been quite so willing) He did ask that I allow his mistress to participate.


    How do you respond to someone who assumes that because you have a wicked imagination and can put these imaginings down on paper (computer screen) you're a leather clad Dominatrix who wants yet one more slave?

    I've since smiled at the thought. Here I sit, in my less than glamorous scruffy jeans, sweat shirt and floppy slippers. I look far from the man's lusty image I'm sure. I drink gallons of coffee. I grumble when a word escapes me. My muse is a ugly little gnome under my desk.

    Slaves. I have none.

    I remember pulling myself together enough to explain to the fellow I had all the submissives I could ever want and he'd better ask to be beaten severely for his theft. I also told him my submissives were all on the screen. I wrote this stuff. I wasn't what I wrote. I was a very happily married woman who had no intention of taking on another man. One was ample.

    I was honest with the guy. I told him how his email had upset me. The theft of the story was unsettling in that I'd never thought someone would steal my stuff. (first case of pirating that I knew of) I also tried to explain that a writer isn't necessarily into the things they write about. I mean, did he think Stephen King murdered animals?

    The incident was only the first of many. I learned it wasn't uncommon for men in particular to plunge ahead and make indecent proposals to a person they didn't know. It seems they're willing to be rejected by a stranger rather than risk loosing a wife who thinks their cravings are perversions. I guess I can't really blame them, but it is incredibly sad.

    Yes, billie, a very interesting topic. One I'm sure is faced by a number of authors. Thanks for the chance to air it out.


  4. Thanks Jude -- it really did take me by surprise, as I said in the post -- intelligent guys, who have really let their fantasies get the better of them. I think that they are really quite vulnerable, but so are we -- just because we write the stuff, it doesn't mean we should allow people to use sexually explicit language to us in an email -- it really does make it very personal.

  5. Yes, personal. But, we write about incredibly personal things. It's a tight wire we have to walk. I would imagine that's why most female romance or erotica/porn writers use pen names. I know I've been glad I use one. A stalker scared the hell out of me and I swore I'd always be careful who I allowed into my personal space.

    You do have to admit, though. If what we write affects another person that deeply, it's a feather in our caps.

    Yup, one very special tight wire indeed.


  6. So far my only stalkers have been exes. But then again I have only been at the erotica writing game for about a year and a half! As a male author, however, it seems I am less of a target. Could I be wrong in that thinking? I would think guys are the ones who tend to be deliberate and often come off scary or forceful in announcing their intentions. But again, writing something publicly is not an invitation for that intent. It just seems to be for certain people.

  7. Thanks Patrick and thanks to you Jude: you've both taken up my comments and moved the ideas on a stage or two.

    I really don't know who is most likely to be a target. Male writers or female -- although when I was writing about John Fowles a few weeks ago, I came across stuff on the web telling that he'd had a lot of unwanted attention from the female public. Certainly there are some erotic scenarios in Fowles work -- but I wouldn't consider him as a writer of erotica.

    Strangely, the writer and scholar, C.S.Lewis (he wrote the children's books about Narnia) had his share of "fan mail" as it was called back then. One of his fan's tracked him down and married him! Those were innocent times.

    But it's a great debate and I still don't really get it -- but I shall be taking more care to hide myself in the future.