Dear billierosie,

My Dilemma is thus. I am a gay man (I want to add now in a Northern Irish accent as per the Catherine Tate show sketch, but won't as people will think me quite mad) and have always been so, I am comfortable in my own skin and have had no issues or concerns other than the usual that us queer folks have to endure chucked my way as a result of being queer. I am mindfully aware however that I am not overtly camp or feminine unless I have had ten pints of beer. It pains me that my comrades in arms who are naturally prone to effeminacy tend to get far more stick from straight (men usually) people. This is wrong and despicable and shouldn't happen. Anyway I ramble so back to the point.

A long standing, straight, male mate of mine who is a new age type and allegedly enlightened is beginning to annoy me a bit. There have been lots of little issues but the most recent was almost a straw that broke the camels back situation and the problem is he has no idea how pissed off I am! To some, this will seem like a stupid insignificant little episode I'm sure but its bothering me.

Let me stress that I haven't hit on him and I am not attracted to him or ever given him reason to think that.

At the cinema on Friday (a regular habit) we went to see Inception, it was almost fully booked with just two seats together or two separate ones dotted about. The cashier lady simply said; you better have those two seats (referring to the ones side by side) as I expect you will want to sit together, all very innocent and no implied innuendo or suggestion intended on her part.

My mate then felt the need in the most pronounced and almost embarrassing fashion to declare the fact to this cashier, a stranger, that he had a girlfriend, slightly more to it but you get the gist. She looked taken aback and I was so horrified at the intent behind his comment I spent the next two hours seething as it has happened before but not quite in the same way.

Does he have a problem with being thought gay even when he is out with someone who doesn't 'appear' gay In a mincing sense and even if I did mince what's his fucking problem?

Or is it as another girl friend of mine suggested the case that he is bothered by his own repressed feelings? This also explains why I am kind of pigeon holed amongst his mates. He is happy to go to the cinema, or to the auctions or to a car boot sale with me and glean the benefit of my insight and knowledge, but will never invite me out for a pint in town if he is out with his other friends -- clearly he is terrified that his other mates might take offence or think him gay because he knows someone that is.

Christ small town mentality eh? What the hell should it matter! I plan to confront him but I know he will be quite horrified if I do! Overall he is a nice chap but I am feeling like a second class citizen around him and having put up with social prejudice for a long time I shouldn't be made to feel like this by someone who is supposed to me a mate!

Do you think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and how would you respond in such a situation??


Viscount Andrew


So c'mon folks -- what's the answer to the Viscount's dilemma?