Inspired by the wonderful billierosie, and her equally wonderful blog on SUBSPACE I`m going to try to explore what the term "subspace" means to me. I have tried this in the past, but to get the right words and to convey the right feelings, is difficult to say the least. A satisfactory explanation has previously alluded me, but now might be an appropriate time to try again.
Firstly, to put things in perspective. I am a collared and contracted slave to Mistress Angelica I could fill a lot of space talking about this wonderful woman, but I`m not going to; all you need to know is that She is my Mistress and Owner.
Secondly, I don`t particularly like the term "subspace"; "submissive state" is better, albeit more long-winded. Why I prefer that term will hopefully become evident.
Thirdly, not everyone is the same! I don`t compare or contrast myself with anyone, my feelings, my space, no better, no worse!!
And fourthly, Subspace, or whatever we want to call it, is a state of mind. It may, or may not, be induced by physical means, but it is the mind that rules, always! The most powerful "organ" in the body, but equally one that can be conditioned!
I think of "subspace", not as a place to reach, but as a continuum to travel along. Like most things in life, it`s a spectrum, varying from lesser to more, no real beginning, no real end. Hence my preference for "submissive state". In any matter that involves my Mistress, I`m in a submissive state, from reading an email from Her, reading Her blog, tweeting to Her; I carry a memento of Her that I turn to frequently, She is always in my mind. I travel to my Mistress` Studio along a very pleasant route, hills and country lanes, seasonal changes in scenery, and I know where I am "going"! I concentrate on the driving, as one must, but it is more than a journey from A to B. At my physical destination I call Her, and after all these years, still with a slight tremble. I`m not fearful or worried, but I move a little along that spectrum. I hear Her voice, and sometimes I can be momentarily tongue-tied. I`m beckoned in, protocol observed, and I`m in Her Studio, Her space, in Her presence, and I`ve travelled further along that spectrum. In that wonderful surrounding, the outside world disappears, and the only focus is Her; we chat and catch up, and as we chat, I marvel at Her. I think perhaps we both sense when there has been enough chat, and She will instruct me that it is time to Play, and I take a little jump along that spectrum, almost out of relief.
As I stand, naked before Her, I`m teetering on the edge. Invariably Her collar is placed about my neck, a symbol of Her ownership, although in truth I am owned, collar or no collar. My only wish, at that point, which is usually but not always granted, is to fall to Her feet, to make physical contact, to feel Her, to sense Her above me, and in a moment, I've travelled some significant distance along that spectrum. This is associated with a wonderful deep feeling of calm, an audible sigh, that something has left me and has been given to Her. What "play" evolves is entirely down to Her, She has complete control. That "power exchange", that connection between sub and Domme, is a beautiful thing. It`s not forced, it just comes naturally, accepted by both. If I was going to try for an absolute definition of "subspace", I would say it is the realisation of that connection and acceptance of that power exchange. But still, it is a spectrum, and there is further to travel.
Feeling very submissive, very subservient, under Her control and instruction, where we go next will invariably change from meeting to meeting, but I want to describe "pain", and where that takes me along my spectrum. I am a submissive, I am not a masochist, and there is a big difference. When I first started this journey, I hated pain, that nasty stinging sharp stroke of a cane, so cold, so remote, it did nothing for me. But pain can be erotic, pain can be controlled, pain can be deflected, pain can be a gift. When my Mistress decides to leave Her marks on my body, it is Her choice, and more and more I wish for those marks. As She lays those welts on my skin, my focus is totally on Her, and the fact that She can! I feel a little pride in myself, and I love to take those marks away with me, but it is really an affirmation of Her domination and my submission. Only believing that, can I take that pain, only believing that, can I control, deflect and welcome that pain. And yes, in that case I have moved well along my submissive spectrum, and perhaps to that point that many would recognise as "subspace", but how much further is there to go??
To reaffirm the above, I stand, bound or unbound, and I accept that pain, simply by telling myself that She can! That`s a pretty profound state of mind. Obviously that requires trust, respect and belief in your Mistress, but even so, it`s an amazing place to be. My mind has been conditioned, by Her, by me, by both, and the mind is all powerful.
I would add a further caveat. Where there is subspace there is Dommespace! My Mistress is obviously in a position where She can readily observe and read me, for me it is more difficult. But, to an extent, I can read Her, I can sense Her, and when I can it adds to and speeds me along that spectrum.
When such a play ends, I can feel extremely emotional, wishing only to worship and thank my Mistress. Is that me coming down from "subspace", or am I consolidating and travelling even further into it?
Ah, the mind is a wonderful thing, the edge of genius or madman, clarity or confusion, submission or domination, but the latter is certainly one to enjoy!
So, lets have a go at a definition of "subspace", for myself at least.
"A state of mind in which the submissive is totally focused on the dominant, welcoming, accepting and needing her/his attention"
So, given that I am always, at least partly, in that state in any matters pertaining to my Mistress, "submissive state" is my preferred terminology. It does not need pain, it certainly does not need "sex", but can be reached in the most quiet and focused of moments, even at a distance. Can I describe that feeling at its height? This is where words are hard to come by, but it is surely an out of body experience. At its most intense there is joy (often tears of), achievement, pride (in my Mistress), a feeling of never wanting it to end, and an almost incredulous realisation that the "power exchange" is absolute.
Mistress Angelica is @MAngelica1UK on Twitter. Her blog is here Mistress Angelica's collared slave is @MAslavem on Twitter